Codependency is becoming a justification for “caring too much”. It is becoming commonplace to manipulate sentiments such as “that was so codependent of me” to make up for a lack of boundaries in a relationship. In most codependent relationships, the codependency or the boundaries are hardly acknowledge. Usually, the lack of structure in the relationship is somewhat insidious. Through resentment, care-taking, and lack of fulfillment, a relationship turns from function to dysfunctional. Most of the roles adopted into a codependent relationship are normal roles in society. Therefore, it is not always easy to understand that those roles aren’t meant for romantic relationships.
There are some behaviors that highlight dysfunction in any relationship such as extreme controlling, verbal abuse or emotional manipulation. In a codependent relationship, these behaviors may be used as coping mechanisms to deal with a painful underlying issue: the codependent person feels unfulfilled without their partner. Codependency can seem illogical and irrational from the outside looking in. For the codependent, however, this means of a relationship is about survival.
Detecting signs of codependency in a relationship usually starts with intuition. A gut feeling can strongly indicate how appropriate a certain behavior feels. All relationships require work and no relationship is perfect all the time; however, there is a certain essence to codependent relationships that simply doesn’t feel right or feel good most of the time.
Friends and family have fallen by the wayside in your partner’s life. You have become their number one priority. They never seem to have anything planned with anyone, because they plan to spend all of their time with you. “Clingy” may be an appropriate word to use. It may seem as though they need to be with you, as if they cannot take care of themselves without you being there. Additionally, you both may experience a certain level of stress without one another. Not only do they spend all of their time with you, but increasingly, you spend your time with them. Experiencing any kind of distress when separated is more than a lonely heart. It may be a codependent situation.
Refuge Recovery understands that codependent relationships can happen for a number of reasons. We believe in working with our patients to find the underlying causes for their conditions. Our treatment programs are immersive in doing the work to heal. For more information call 323-207-0276